Looking back, then ahead.

Today is going to be a bit of a journal entry. Sorry to all those readers who hate personal journal-type blogging. I try not to do this very often.

As you may have guessed from my last blog post, Jim began the search for the next step in his pilot career. As luck would have it, he found a few rather quickly. However most of those few didn't pan out the way he thought they would and once again was left to start at square one. I- on one hand- was more or less excited about the prospect of living in a new place, wiping the slate clean as it were. On the other hand, somewhere deeply buried in the darkest depths of my heart, I was upset. We have a good life here in Vancouver. I have an interesting job, we have friends here, and I'm comfortable. Why would Jim want to give all that up? It comes down to the pilot mentality of "Always looking for the next big thing." I knew Jim was a go-getter from the day I met him, but I didn't expect to be out of here so quickly. Next summer? Maybe.

In August Jim went for his six-month check ride (Can he fly the plane? Y/N) in Texas. It was supposed to take place here in the northwest, but didn't. Anyway, while he was in Texas, a lot of talk was going around about starting a new program. It sounded too good to be true, but Jim offered to move to get this project started. After a few weeks of deliberation, they accepted Jim into this new program. I'd tell you more details, but even I don't understand it. He got the call about two weeks ago. We're moving. To South Dakota. Let me tell you something before you ask: We don't know WHEN we are going. It comes down to Jim's replacement here (how fast he's trained, etc.). It's all new and exciting and I should be happy, right? I am, mostly. Simply put, I'm not ready to leave but I can see the hourglass running out of sand.

So much has happened since I've met and married Jim. So many happy memories have been made. Part of me wants roots, the other wants wings and between the two lies the happiest I have ever been. And that has been all of my time with Jim. But this move scares me to death, and I fear I'm going to be ruined by it. I've been doing a lot of reminiscing. I feel oddly nostalgic about everything I have. And I've been doing a lot of looking ahead. Somehow I just can't focus on the present and it drives me mad.

This is a long-winded post to let you know I'm scattered. I don't know when I'll post again because I'm just at a loss of what to say.

Blue skies,
R

P.S. Cal is great. Still my awkward cat. I think she even knows something is happening. I've been sorting and consolidating all sorts of things. She's been "helping" by sitting in the boxes, and running around the apartment like there is an invisible NASCAR track along its edges. Cats, right?